


turning shadows into shapes

by azurill



Series: long is the road that leads me home [3]
Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Dina has abandonment issues, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Porn with Feelings, Relationship Study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:47:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28465551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azurill/pseuds/azurill
Summary: Ellie has her head buried on the crook of Dina's neck, alive, reunited with her despite it all.
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Series: long is the road that leads me home [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1824790
Comments: 19
Kudos: 102





	turning shadows into shapes

Ellie wasn't dead. She wasn't. She couldn't be. It was just a stupid comment one of her friends made when they got drunk and that should be start and end of that thought but Dina finds herself bringing that thought home, pondering over it, bouncing her feet at night over it. 

That night she has the first nightmare that involves the scenarios her friend talked about. She wakes up in cold sweat, throws up, then breaks into tears because she has a mess to clean, and Ellie is probably out there bleeding to death, and JJ is awake, crying too— 

"Please stop crying," she begs, sobbing. "Please." 

For the next two days, her son stays with his grandparents. 

— 

Ellie stays over for a night, then five, then ten, and it comes to a point where they recognize there's no use to try and say it's just a temporary arrangement before they return to their own separate lives in separate homes. 

She begins to do little sweet things that makes Dina's heart melt, things like bringing her to this cool new place that opened in the busiest part of town, or getting her the sequel to this book she's been talking about. It's all very much like the dating they never got to do because they sort of jumped straight into a relationship after their first kiss, and then there was Seattle, and everything got pretty serious after that because Dina had a baby out of all things so there wasn't a lot of space for, well, dating. 

It's over the course of one of these dates where it happens. They're just a little high, testing out some funky weed they got from this new person in town, when Ellie says _hey, I think we should fuck Seth's house up_ or something along these lines, and Dina kisses her right there. Ellie murmurs that they shouldn't be doing this but she's kissing Dina as soon as she's breaking their kiss, hands curling on her hips, riding up her shirt and tracing her ribs. 

Eventually, the heat of the moment transforms into a chilling realization that they're nowhere high enough to pin it all on the weed or pretend it didn't happen. It's terrifying, to have barriers they held up for months being brought down in a matter of seconds. 

Surprisingly, Ellie's the first to break the silence. 

"I'm scared to mess this up." 

Dina ended up on her lap somewhere during their impromptu make out session and she brings the hand that was previously on Ellie's neck up to her temple. Dina lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding, deciding in a split second that as much as she wants to keep this delicate connection safe, she doesn't want their relationship to be a subdued version of what they used to have. 

"You think I'm not?" 

"I just," Ellie stutters. "I just want you to be sure that—" 

"Listen to me. I really, really want to kiss you right now." 

Ellie nods slowly, a bit dumbfounded, and Dina does her part to close the distance between their lips. Sometimes what's complicated can be as simple as that. 

— 

When they have sex for this first time since she got back, it's desperate as if the world is going to end. Ellie grips the back of her neck, drinks deeply from her mouth, familiar and new all at once, and Dina doesn't put up any resistance against that. She's so compliant when it comes to Ellie.

"This okay for you?" 

Dina can only whimper a little bit out of frustration as Ellie touches her tentatively below the waistband of her pants, because that's not what she needs — this slow, gentle thing. Dina moves against the fingers that touch her, hoping that it'll spur Ellie right into action, and it kind of works. 

It's only when her legs start shaking under her weight that Ellie stops fucking her against the door of their home. 

They end up on the bedroom after getting rid of most of their clothes, Ellie on top of Dina while they kiss some more, their noses brushing, an electrifying feeling spreading through her limbs whenever their hips come into contact. Ellie's thumb follows the curve of her jawline when they break apart for air and Dina takes that opportunity to turn her head and pull it into her mouth. 

_Needy_ , the word comes to the front of Dina's mind. It's been barely fifteen minutes since she was fucked and she needs it again and she's not ashamed of that, not at all, because it's Ellie, her Ellie, who takes care of her so well, knows how to give her what she needs in a way that crumbles her down and builds her back whole. 

There's a sigh, a push of Ellie's center against her thigh, damp and hot. She closes her eyes as she kisses down Dina's neck, and Dina closes her eyes too, wanting to feel nothing but whatever Ellie has to offer, be it a thumb to suck on, be it _this_. She traces the racing pulse of her neck with her mouth, and travels down, down to her breasts, her hands on her hips, on the slight curve of her belly, everywhere she can touch. After going so long without her, Dina's almost overwhelmed by how much of Ellie she can feel at this moment. 

Dina slides her hand down between their bodies to touch Ellie, and Ellie indulges her just for a bit before lacing their hands together and bringing them down to the sheets. Dina is about to protest, she wants to touch Ellie too, and in her distraction she didn't entirely notice that Ellie's already made her way down her body and that she's instinctively opened her legs at a little kiss Ellie left on the inside of her thighs. She feels her mouth _there_ and _oh_ — 

For a time the entire world is just that. Her entire body growing hot with the attention Ellie lavishes upon her, how Ellie let go of her hands and gripped her hips tight when she was grinding down and squirming too much for her liking, the texture of the sheets she fists with one hand, how soft Ellie's recently cut, short hair feels on the other. Ellie doubles her effort, licking and sucking her like it's her life purpose, and her climax hits so sudden, so strong that Dina squeezes her eyes shut until they hurt. 

Ellie's not moving against her thigh anymore, she's here, kissing her face, gently bringing her down from this high. That overwhelmingness from before hits Dina all at once. 

Ellie wraps her arms around her, concerned because she's crying. Fucking _crying_. 

"Babe. Hey, tell me what's wrong. Did I hurt you?" 

"No," Dina mumbles weakly. "You didn't hurt me. I don't know why—I'm just—I really, really missed you. I missed having you like this." 

Ellie doesn't move at all until she calms down. It helps, to have her so close when Dina needs to be assured of her presence this much. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't even take care of you." 

"I kinda took care of myself so don't worry about it." 

"Oh. Still." 

"Take a rain check on that." 

Dina bites her lower lip, says, "Okay." 

— 

It's not until a few times after that first-not-first time that Dina realizes Ellie doesn't allow her more than just a fleeting touch, and that even if she didn't end up crying — _crying during sex, great job, dumbass_ — Ellie wouldn't let her make her come anyway. Not that it's her fault, Ellie's said that, it's just that there's some kinda emotional barrier there that makes Ellie shy away from anything that might make her feel good unless it comes from herself, like she's taken so much from Dina that all she can do now is give. 

She and Ellie will make out when they can, they will go on dates when they can, and if maybe they feel the need for anything more than that they'll see where it goes. Often it leads to nights spent in bed, talking. Sometimes Ellie makes her come once or twice, and lets Dina touch her a little bit, never to the point of release. 

By the time she finally allows Dina more, they've already been scared off by previous attempts gone wrong, so it all begins very slow. Dina kisses her jaw and Ellie just clings to the back of her shirt, breathing softly. Dina runs her finger across her stomach, feeling the muscle underneath tighten and relax as she kisses the little scar on Ellie's nose, and the one on her upper lip before she works on the expanse of her chest and her hipbones, on each patch of skin that becomes available with each discarted piece of clothing. 

Dina used to think that they learned all that they had to learn about each other back when they had a house just for themselves and plenty of time to waste, but through the years Ellie's changed and grown into an entirely different person that feels distant from the girl she fell in love with. Ellie's skin is more marred, more freckled than it used to be. The changes are not only skin deep, but she likes this Ellie all the same. She enjoys learning about her. What she likes, what gets her off. 

"How do you want me?" 

"Want you between my legs." 

While Dina enjoys roughness, Ellie enjoys gentleness. She enjoys it when Dina kisses down her body, touches her like something delicate, calls her things like good and perfect. Ellie doesn't says out loud, but Dina can tell by the way her body responds to it, so that's exactly what she does until she's where Ellie wants her. Ellie watches her the entire time she kisses a line down her body and kneels on the unforgiving wooden floor, with Ellie's legs on the each side of her head. She looks at her with so much adoration and hunger in her eyes that Dina feels dumb for ever thinking that maybe Ellie didn't want to come with her, by her hands and mouth, because she simply didn't want her anymore. She was so, so wrong. 

Getting Ellie worked up takes time. She spends quite a while alternating between running her tongue between her folds and sucking her clit into her mouth and all sounds are muffled with Ellie's thighs closed around her ears. 

"Dina—" 

When Dina stops to look at her, she isn't disappointed by the sight. "Good, baby?" 

"Yeah," she hears Ellie breath out. "Please kiss me." 

Dina does just that. She won't deny her a thing. She rises up to meet her lips in a kiss so soft it gives her butterflies. Dina idly palms Ellie's thigh and Ellie throws it over her waist in need, giving her better access as Dina gathers her slick and buries a finger, then two inside her, and it's all very intimate because she see every single reaction she has to it, not only feel the way her walls constrict around her and how wet she is, so wet that it took no effort at all to take her fingers. She can see how Ellie's face tenses when she hits a particularly good spot inside her, how utterly handsome she looks with her face all sweaty, all vulnerable like that. 

"You're blushing," Dina points out. 

"No shit," Ellie answers. 

"No, really, your ears are all red too. Your entire face is red. It's cute." 

Ellie doesn't respond, rising up her hips to meet her fingers. She pants as she gets close and lets out an almost unaudible moan as she finally, _finally_ lets go. Dina can tell that all the effort she put into make her feel good earlier paid off when she feels her walls almost violently contracting around her digits, her entire body shivering in pleasure. 

"I got you," she says. "I got you, baby, you're safe with me—" 

Dina strokes her naked, sweaty back, slightly thrusting into her through the aftershocks. Ellie has her head buried on the crook of Dina's neck, alive, reunited with her despite it all. 

— 

It's four in the afternoon and only now Ellie's returned with JJ in tow. 

"I'm here. Dee, I just got us some food, is all. I'm here, I'm not leaving you ever again, you hear me?" 

Dina feels bad that she has to be told that over and over again, but she can't help but need this reassurance. She holds her family just a little tighter, wishing this would somehow keep all of them right here, with her. 

"You're squeezing us." 

"Sorry, babe." 

Ellie kisses the top of her head, JJ tugs on her hair, and she should feel comforted. It should be enough. 

It's not. 

**Author's Note:**

> me rushing to finish this story wine-drunk because somehow i wrote less in 2020 than i did in 2019 despite spending most of my time this year at home, bored out of my mind. it made me so upset to see that. oops. english is not my first language so i was extra careful to not let any misspellings pass by, let me know if find any.
> 
> hope you enjoyed this. happy new year 💟


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